Is Love Better the Second (or third) Time Around?

Guilderland, NY – Everyone walks into my office and tells me they will never get married again.  Statistically, that’s probably not true.  Even if you don’t remarry, many people will enter into relationships again, whether long term or short term ones. 

I often send my clients into the dating world with a discussion about the birds and the bees.  While this may seem humorous, I will outline pitfalls that even the most intelligent and sophisticated Is Love Better the Second (or third) Time Around?people could find themselves in.

Things to think about as you go into the dating world:

1. Don’t rush!   People going through a break up are often lonely and scared, which makes them vulnerable.  Spend time with children, your friends and family.  Join a gym. Take a class. Get to know yourself.   Heal.

2. On-line dating– This may be a shock, but not everyone presents themselves completely honestly.  

• Prior to meeting someone, do not give them any personal information about yourself such as income or assets.   

• Do not have discussions of an intimate nature with a stranger.  S/he could turn out to be a pranking teenager whose parents then share your conversations with the authorities. 

• Do not share or post pictures of yourself in anything other than what you would wear to work. 

3. Children- It is not uncommon that purported adults get themselves involved in intimate relationships with no discussion about the ramifications.  If you do not want [more] children, what are you doing about that? I have had many 60+ year old men in my office crying crocodile tears about now having a second family that they never intended or wanted.  When I ask how that happened I am often told that they “thought” their partner was taking responsibility or was too old.  This is not something that should be “thought” about, but needs to be discussed.  If you don’t want to be 80-something and paying child support, then make mature and informed decisions. 

4. Financial Status- If you are going to live with someone or get married, then you need to know about each other’s assets and liabilities.  While you may say that is his/her problem, it becomes your problem if you are relying on them contributing to your household and they cannot. Do not co-sign a lease and then find out your partner cannot pay her share.

5. Family Drama- Is your partner’s ex showing up at your door in the middle of the night drunk?  Has her son taken permanent residence on your couch?  While much of this may not be the fault of your partner, what part of it do you want to take on? If a parent or adult child is financially dependent on your partner, how is that going to affect you?

Lastly, are you picking the same person you paid me to get rid of? While I offer my clients a complimentary screening of their new partner, no one has taken me up on it.  Don’t replicate a bad pattern. 

Best wishes to the Guilderland community for a Happy New Year!

Margaret Tabak

Margaret Tabak

Margaret C. Tabak has been an attorney since 1988, starting her career in Schenectady and moving her practice to Guilderland in 1995.  The law firm is located in Great Oaks Office Park (near Crossgates Mall).  Margaret counsels clients in all matters related to matrimonial and family law.  A resident of Guilderland for more than 25 years, Margaret received her undergraduate degree from SUNY Albany and her law degree from Albany Law School.  If you have questions about a matrimonial or family law issue, contact Margaret for a consultation.